Zanadu!

When I was a kid, I saw this play about a magical land that appeared once every 100 years or so. This kid stumbles upon it and then has to decide if he wants to stay in the world he's always known, or go into Zanadu and live there. I can't remember if time stands still in the normal world while he spends time in Zanadu (I may be mixing Lion, Witch & the Wardrobe in here).


At any rate, I took one of my all-too-infrequent trips to my Zanadu today at lunch: Sam's. It is known in other regions as Costco, but it's the same magical place. Have you been there? It's amazing!
What's the most amazing to me is the incredible, undeniable, irresistible pull that place has on my wallet. When I first walk in, I swear my pulse goes up 50% and a smile comes across my face. I believe that they pipe in air with a little less oxygen than normal in it - similar to being at a high altitude. I know this because my judgment becomes impaired ever so slightly. How can I prove this, you ask? Easily. While inside that store, I can justify literally every purchase possible with a quasi-rational argument. What do I need a 5 pound vat of dill pickles for? I'm sure they have anti-oxidants or some potential health benefit. All those arguments for purchasing (A) things I don't need or (B) too much of something that I might need can be boiled down to:

• a value argument - if I buy enough of anything, I can get my cost per item down fairly low and certainly lower than if I bought a normal amount at a normal store. (i.e. man, that means that each Cheerio is actually $0.004, instead of the overpriced $0.006 I was paying at Albertson's!! Yeah - stickin' it to The Man!)
• a frequency/location argument - I probably don't need 4 gallons of peanut butter, but when am I going to be here again? What if they don't have this next time and this one-time offer goes by the wayside? I'd hate to miss this opportunity the good Lord has laid at my feet/wallet.
• an environmental argument - by purchasing 15 tubes of toothpaste at once, think of the packaging I'm saving and how I am single-handedly reducing the amount of trash at a landfill!!
• an "I'm thinking of others" argument - I know I don't need this massage recliner, but my wife works hard and she deserves a break. Plus, the kids could always use more exercise and this 24' trampoline should do the trick.

So here's to Sam Walton and his "Disneyworld," if you will. I would raise a toast to you, but I'm out of money because I went ahead and got the 15 pound bag of little smokies - I mean, hey, you never know when you might have company over...